i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
