I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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