hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
