I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
