Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
