in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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