He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
