all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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