I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
