You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
