It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
