so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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