I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
birth control should be required to get into college
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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