dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
