i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
