dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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