I wish I could punch you in the face.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
