I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
