Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
