Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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