It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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