Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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