her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
