Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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