Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
