Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm jealous of your bromance
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
