hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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