She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
