Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
stop calling my apartment porn island.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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