My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
