After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
