i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
