Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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