Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
