You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
