I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
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We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize