I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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