sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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