And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
