when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
