I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
