the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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