He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
