you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize