dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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