i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
