He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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