I want to walk on stilts...naked
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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