I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
