What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
