I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
