i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
