Barsexuality is the new black.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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