she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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