in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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