ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Ketchup is God's man juice
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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