im drinking this country out of the recession.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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