my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
