I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
