i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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