come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
