the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
