Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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