if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
