I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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