I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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