also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
this beer tastes like vomit already
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
