My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
