i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
