you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
