I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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