i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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