i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
