I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
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Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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