You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
