i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
